Counting my blessings

I have spent a few days thinking about how I want to convey what the surgical experience was like. I have had numerous ideas about what I wanted to call this blog entry. I've thought about how I want share my post operative experience with you, and in the end, the same mantra holds true: I count my blessings.

I woke up the morning of my surgery feeling oddly refreshed.  The first thing I said to Shawn was that I slept through the entire night.  Seriously, it was one of those deep sleeps that I didn't even move.  In retrospect, my body was preparing me for the surgery, allowing me a comfortable night's sleep to recharge and prepare.  The morning was pretty normal, we cleaned and ran to the grocery store.  The fact I couldn't eat or drink anything didn't phase me too much, as the nerves kept any hunger or thirst at bay. "Let's do this" I said, as we got in the car to make the trip to the hospital.  Holding hands the entire way like a love struck teenage couple, we chatted about the summer and music, anything to keep our minds off of the next 8 or so hours.

Surgery is such a surreal experience!  I have no other way to describe it. Everything is fluid motions from the moment you tell the information desk clerk that you are there for surgery.  I checked in and almost immediately got called back to the surgical prep room.  I must have asked the nurse 10 times if she was sure that my husband would be allowed back to see me before surgery.  "Yes, dear" she answered patiently each time.  I put on my stylish hospital gown and paper slippers, and pulled my hair back into a fancy cap and sat anxiously. I was a little bummed I couldn't wear my St. Patrick's Day socks into the OR :)  Maureen, the nurse, began  asking me a series of questions and let me know she was going to start my IV drip.  At the same moment, Dr. Lin, my anesthesiologist, came in to begin asking his series of questions.  Which, I will say right here, the staff at the hospital was caring, gentle, understanding and amazing.  "Do you have TMJ?" Dr Lin asked, as Maureen prodded at my left hand mumbling "this isn't going to work..."  I kindly interrupted Dr. Lin to advise Maureen (like I already did once...)  that she was going to have to put the IV in my arm, that my hand just wasn't going to work.  "Okay sweetie" as she pressed gauze on my hand "now you'll have a nice bruise to remember me by" Here's to your Maureen, my hand is still a pale shade of yellow.

Dr. Lin continued his questions, as another nurse brought Shawn back.  He sat next to me holding my hand looking at me with worried eyes. "This must be weird for him to see me like this," I thought to myself, as he rested his head on my shoulder.  We both knew I had to have the surgery, but I think we were both also a little in shock that the time was finally here. Over the next 45 minutes a handful of residents visited, along with a visit from both of my doctors.  I asked my questions and expressed last minute concerns.  Basically, I did not want to wake up during surgery, I did not want a large incision, if they had to remove an ovary they were to do so, and I did not want to die under the knife.  I know this sounds extreme folks, but when you have surgery you are faced with your own mortality.  Dr. Lin assured me that I was simply "going to Hawaii" for a few hours, and my surgeons assured me that I was going to be okay.  In my heart, I knew this, I trusted them with my life.  With that, a nurse anesthesiologist came in with a syringe and let me know they were going to "make me a little woozy" and in a not so kind manner kicked Shawn out of the room. "Take her glasses, and we'll see you in the waiting room?"  Shawn just looked at me and planted a kiss on my lips, I was being wheeled away as I saw him turn in a circle trying to find his way out to the waiting area.  That actually broke my heart seeing him "lost." I blabbered something about this being my first surgery, and the nurse rubbed my leg promising me they were going to take good care of me.  "Amanda, we just need you to move your butt onto this table into the groove..."   echoed in my ears as I looked around and saw a haze of masked faces.  I don't remember the OR, in fact, I don't even remember getting onto the surgical table. LOL, I can laugh about it now- damn those drugs are good!!

With heavy eyes, I woke up to sounds. "Her saturation dropped when I took out the nose tubes, let's leave them in a little longer."  I was hot. I felt lots of pressure in my lower abdomen and I was SO hot.  I mustered my energy to open my eyes and ask the nurse for a popsicle.  I got ice chips, which was okay, anything to cool me down. "You don't have a temperature, it's just the warming blankets"  Well, then, take them off! I'm so hot!  I don't know how much time passed before they actually removed the blankets, but it seemed like forever. When they removed the compression stockings, I felt like I could breathe again and that was instant relief.   "She's good to be moved down now, her husband's name is Shawn"  Shawn. Yes, Shawn. Oh yea, I just had surgery, huh, I wonder how it went.  Back to sleep.  I was mumbling about my lower back being sore and wanting to sit up. "Are you ready to sit up honey? Okay..." Before I could even answer I was in an upright position, instantly sick to my stomach. "Oh no! I need to lay back down!" I begged, and before I could finish my sentence I was puking.  Classy. I told them I thought that the anesthesia was going to make me sick.  "Babe? Am I okay?" I asked Shawn
"Yes baby, you're okay"
"Do I have an incision?"
"No honey, just 3 small ones" 
"Oh thank God, and do I have my ovaries?"
Silence.
This made me open my left eye and look over at him. "Do I have both of my ovaries?"
"No honey... they had to take out an ovary"
"The left one?"
He shook his head yes and the anti nausea medication/benadryl kicked in and I was out again. 
When I woke up a 2nd time I was more aware of my surroundings. I could tell that I didn't have an ovary. I could tell that my grapefruits were gone, what a relief. I was okay.  Over the next 2 hours my parents and brother visited. I had gotten up and walked and was even sitting in a chair.  Just when I asked for a blanket the nurse said "Actually, we were just going to tell you that you can go home"  Go home? I just had surgery, and I'm ready to go home?  Okay!  Yes, I wanted my home! My bed! My things!  Exactly 8 hours later I was home, cozy in my own bed, with 3 small bandages on my belly. 

I remembered that I had not had anything to eat or drink.  Shawn brought me some buttered toast and you would have thought I was eating the feast of a queen. That toast was the best thing I ever ate in my life.  I couldn't fully sit up as the pressure from the CO2 was bothersome.  It didn't hurt, it was just, pressure.  For those of you that may not know, when you have any type of abdominal surgery, they pump your abdominal cavity with CO2 so it expands and they are able to work freely.   They take out as much gas as they can, but some will always remain after surgery, and it has to naturally dissipate.  I didn't realize then, but the next 24 hours were a haze as the anesthesia still remained in my system. Let me tell you, when it finally wore off the next evening, boy did I feel like I just had surgery!   In awe, I couldn't believe that the pain I had, was still not worse than the pain I had prior to surgery. Eh, I suppose I could take a pain pill, everyone says it will work.  Reluctantly, I took one, knowing it would help me sleep.

The days went on, and as the doctors promised, I felt better every day. I had to repetitively ask Shawn for the first few days if I was going to be okay.  I felt okay, but I just needed his approval that I was going to be okay.  I asked him to repeat everything that the doctors explained to him afterwards... and he meticulously repeated everything, probably 4 or 5 times.  That's another weird thing about surgery, is that you hear about your own surgery, through second hand accounts, until your follow up appointment.  In the days following surgery, I had lots of visits from family and friends. The outpouring of love, caring and concern overwhelmed me, and I cannot find the words of thanks to express.  I am very, VERY blessed to have the most wonderful people in my life.  This is something that I did not take for granted, and something I will never forget in my entire life.

Anxiously, Shawn and I waited to be called back to the exam room. 
"Everything off from the waist down" and Shawn just looked at me and smiled. Yep, this is what we do in here!  Made me giggle, as I realized he had never been to the gynecologist with me before.  The doctor came in looking at my chart, greeting us with a smile. "Yes Amanda, you had quite the difficult surgery, I am surprised you lasted so long."  Looking at both of us he said "You know what we removed was a little bigger than a volleyball."  Excuse me? A volleyball? No, I think you have the wrong pictures, I had grapefruits, not volleyballs.  He took the photo series out of the chart and handed me a copy to keep.  Holy shit, I had a volleyball! It was clear as day right there in my abdomen, a volleyball. Wow.  He went on to explain that had I waited any longer they would not have been able to perform the laparoscopy and I was lucky to have had the surgery when I did.  He explained that my left ovary had no viable tissue left, as the volleyball had sucked the life out of it.  My right ovary had been resected, and the grapefruit was removed. Again, wow. No wonder I had so much pain and pressure! No wonder why I felt like I was carrying around extra weight! NO WONDER! This all made so much sense.  He removed as many stitches as he could and told me to continue to take it easy because even though I only had three small incisions, I had just had a major surgery. 

And so...that's it. I really do feel better every single day, and I'm gaining my strength back with time. I am taking this recovery one day at a time and I don't have a single complaint about recovery. I am feeling ten times better than I did before surgery, and I know that it will continue to get better.  I am ready for this chapter of my life to close, and to start a new one.
 
There are some very important things that I learned throughout this entire experience:

1. I have an absolutely amazing husband. (as if I didn't know this already... the strength and support he has given to me is beyond words.)
2. I have the best family a daughter, sister, niece or granddaughter could ask for.
3. My friends are my own personal treasure.
4. I am stronger than I ever knew or thought.
5. Our bodies are truly vessels, and we should cherish them.
6. Modern medicine is amazing and doctors and nurses really do have healing hands.
7. Positive visualization really does work.
8. If you ever have to have abdominal surgery, exercise your arms before hand because you will be    using them a LOT!
9. I do not like daytime television. And finally...
10. Count your blessings!!! Each and every single day, count your blessings.