Grapefruits

"Tsk tsk...What is going on with you?" my doctor asked as she sat down in her chair. "Uhm, you tell me?" I questioned,  annoyed that she'd even be asking me this type of question. That's why I'm here genius, get on with it. 

"Well, I just took a look at your latest ultrasound.....your ovaries are the size of grapefruits."  Grapefruits. Oranges. No, she definitely said grapefruits.  Those sour, yet savory pieces of delicious Florida fruit.  Grapefruits? Really? The exam room suddenly became very small, very hot, a prison that I wanted to break out of.   Her words melted together after that statement. Spinning with emotional overload I thought, "Okay, this is not cancer. I got this, bring it on doc! Now what?"  

"Well..." she muttered "...I think a laparotomy* is our next plan of attack."  Google and WebMD searches began flashing behind my eyelids. I work in the field, I've heard this terminology before. Laparotomy... as in slicing me open...and practically gutting me. "Okay, if that's what you feel is best" I said. Why wouldn't I trust her judgement?   She's been looking at all of my female parts for ten years now, of course I trust what she is saying. ..... Right?  "Okay doc" I concur, "When do you think this should be done? Would you do this if I were your daughter? How long before I can go back to work?"  

 "Yes. If I were you, I'd want this taken care of as soon as possible. I need to get in there and actually see what is happening. You'll be off at least 4-6 weeks, 8 if you can't work from home. You'll be in the hospital about a week.  I'm going to Grenada for a few weeks and we'll schedule this when I return from vacation. I'll have Joanna call you."  (More on Joanna later)

Where the hell is Grenada?  Vacation?  See about her last trip to Grenada here: http://www.buffalonews.com/city/communities/lockport/article376851.ece

(don't get me wrong, she does great shit) If she can do laparoscopies** in Grenada, why does she want to give me a laparotomy in Lockport?  I didn't want surgery in Lockport Hospital. In fact, I really wouldn't want anything in Lockport Hospital. (I had to go there once, for a major burn on my elbow/arm and they were fantastic.  But getting cut open? No thank you.)

I had about 15 more minutes with the doc before I walked in a haze, out of the exam room.  Fake smiles as I grabbed my jacket and flustered to find my car keys.  As I pushed the door open,  I realized we got about 6 inches of snow as I sat trapped,  in my own private hell for the last 20 minutes.  Where was my snow brush? Were we supposed to get snow today?   I sat in my car and cried for five minutes before I called my husband.  I went to that appointment thinking she was going to tell me the birth control had been working and my cysts had shrunk to a functional size. I was going to stop taking birth control and start on the baby making.  No... no, that was not the case at all. I had to schedule a major surgery. I had to go on disability. I didn't take extended disability. Well how was I supposed to know? I explained to hubby what was explained to me.  I was numb.  Grapefruits huh? No wonder why I'm in pain.

And so, I left.  I drove to my parents house to visit with my nieces.  A 35 minute drive turned into a 90 minute drive, the only significant storm we've had all season.  Through blinding snowfall, my mind raced with questions.  FOCUS Amanda. Drive now, think later.  

This is my journey. I decided last night that I had to write about and document this. I will do my best to define medical terms that I write about. I will do my best to give you the complete story; the good, the bad, and the ugly parts. I want you to read this, I want your husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, family, friends, bosses and co workers to read this. I want to educate you (and them) and make you (and them) aware of this auto immune disease known as Endometriosis***.  Welcome! 

*Laparotomy: A surgical procedure involving a large incision through the abdominal wall to gain access to the abdominal cavity.

**Laparoscopy:  A surgery that uses a thin, lighted tube that is put through an incision in the belly to look at abdominal organs.  

*** Endometriosis: An auto immune medical condition in which cells from the lining of the uterus appear and flourish outside of the uterine cavity, most commonly on the ovaries.